Wednesday, May 25, 2011


note to self #86: tragedy + time

So we have a little problem this week: jack kelly has released more idiotic note to self cartoons, this time under the banner of "fall out! at the disco," whatever that means. This first comic is about something truly sad and depressing: my giving jack kelly space on my artsite. Honestly, I don't know why I let such a worthless contributor post here. jack kelly, the last time I saw such a useless tool, I was looking at a mirror.

note to self #87: superman is older than fdr's presidency

While the pope and Benito Mussolini were having a chat, Superman was being created. While Babe Ruth was tipping his bat to the stands, Superman was being created. While they were opening Radio City Music Hall for the first time, Superman was being created. While Yale was thinking about starting up a newfangled "Residential College" system, Superman was being created. While Hitler was gaining German citizenship, Superman was being created. While Disney was debuting technicolor animated shorts, Superman was being created. While Jack Benny was getting his first gig on the radio, Superman was being created. OBVIOUSLY Superman and his superhero ilk are medium-defining. No, jack kelly, you ignorant, idiotic piece of illiteracy, Superhero isn't a genre of comics, it's the medium of comics itself. As any intelligible comics professional will tell you, if you aren't superhero, get the $%#^ out of the comics industry! Your originality and insistence on not continually re-dressing up a nigh-century-long horse-deathbeating is NOT acceptable. Now if we can just get all films to be noir, all songs to be country, and all clothes to be goth and then CRUSH all attempts to deviate from those genres, we can get those mediums in line with superheros and celebrate the one or two non-noir movies that manage to catch on in the US, meanwhile disregarding all the leaps and bounds other countries make by treating genres as genres and mediums as mediums. Stop being such a close-minded fool, jack kelly.

note to self #88: honest pee is the best policy

I assure you, jack kelly, as long as there is breath in your lungs and blood in your veins, there is probably also feces in your lungs and feces in your veins. Get over yourself. And then flush it.

note to self #89: flash gordon

Oh, jack kelly, the last time anyone ever wanted to be anywhere near you was when you were born--and that was only because the doctor needed (and wanted) to slap you. You are so unwanted, your umbilical chord unattached itself. You don't take dumps, dumps take jack kellys. The best thing about you is that people can at least pretend for as long as you leave the room, that perhaps you never actually occupied our space physically, mentally, or temporally. Arnold Schwarzenegger's marriage looks at you like you're a sham. I graduated from Yale 365 days ago and have nothing to show for it but a cat-pee stained diploma and an inferiority complex and I pity you.

note to self #90: yeah baby

You sad, strange little turd, jack kelly. Perhaps the saddest part is that the only person who could ever love you would have to subsequently register with the government and introduce herself to her was actually a "her," right?


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