Wednesday, April 20, 2011


note to self #62: sicko

On the bright side, that dullard jack kelly, author of note to self, is OCD about the numbering on his stuff, and he wants to end on multiples of 5 since he's going to be doing 5 "comics" per week now, so he's only doing 4 this week to get the numbering in sync. Sadly, I don't have the heart to tell him that nobody cares, he should stop wasting everyone's time, and he should just do us all a favor and just go French kiss an outlet.

But in any case, here's this week's collection, called "vegan sausage fest," and it kicks off with a comic about jack kelly's latent fear that his wife will pounce on any reason/man to leave him. Wait, jack kelly's married?! When did that happen? Why wasn't I invited? Oh, right. It's because jack kelly thinks that balloon with the magic marker smiley face drawn on it is his wife.

note to self #63: baby girl

Man, jack kelly has a freakish interest in Roman Polanski; this is his second comic about the guy. What did that poor old man ever do to deserve such hostili--hmm? He did what, now? Wha?! I don't know if I should barf, cry, or want this decrepit cryptkeeper locked up in prison with freaky Hispaniards who make him scream "action" and "cut" at blood-curdling decibels for the rest of his life. I'm sure they'd be eager to be his PA. And by PA, I of course mean--Aaaaaaand this just got too creepy.

note to self #64: suck it handsome dan

Way to go jack kelly, you jerk. Why are you belittling the efforts of those Yale recruitment speech guys? I don't care if they blindly paint Yale as some utopia where nothing ever, ever goes wrong ever and they forget to mention that half of all Yalies are statistically likely to be at least somewhat jacked up in the head. Besides, jack kelly, did it ever occur to you that maybe some people want to feel like washed up garbage in college, forever living in the shadow of their former, academically-driven high school selves? Is it too hard to wrap your head around the idea that some people actually bask in the shame of never living up to the optimism and auspiciousness of merely being in a position to seriously consider even applying to Yale? How about you be a little more sensitive next time you want to mouth off with your idiotic assumptions, huh?

note to self #65: procrastination flowchart

Ok, we get it, jack kelly, if you're not curing cancer, you're not actually doing anything truly important in this life. And no, don't try to tell me that there is any kind of subtext involving wanting people simply to seek to lead meaningful lives in any way they can so as not to waste the precious few years we have on this planet--that they should strive to be as positive an influence as possible in their portion of existence. What don't you understand, jack kelly--you are an idiot with a brain of the most limited scope, incapable of rendering anything more complex than a stick figure nor more deep than the shallowness which constitutes your artistic abilities, assuming your pathetic etchings can even qualify as either "artistic" or "abilities." Here's a flow chart for you, jack kelly: Are you a talentless hack comics artist? --Yes--> Get out of my face.


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