Just a weird night...started with a surprise visit from a bunch of the landlady's kids accompanying her on her scheduled visit. They were clamoring for more presents (he still carries my sketch card around!), so I invited them to choose from among my Inktober drawings for a little souvenir (only had my newer sketchbook on hand, so only the latter Inktobers were available, unfortunately). They all flipped out!
I also thought it'd be nice to let the little girl of the group get two, since she was just so wistfully looking at our little angel, after earlier getting to scoop that old Pikachu when I first thought to give away some sketches. The party looted cat lady Chandra, Silvos, Squee, and even (super excitedly) Tibor and Lumia!
I felt so, so sad when they left, though. I usually feel good when I give art away, and I did feel good, but there was some overwhelming weight suffocating it. I was numb the whole day, vaguely wanting to throw up as the hours dragged by, but everything gave way to a distinct sadness at the moment they left. I just stared at the wall for a few minutes. Didn't cry. So there's that.
I haven't slept yet (since Sunday)...hopefully we can time walk the flight. Just want to sleep and cry, in whatever order.
Not normal,
Reuxben
2 comments:
Reading about people being sad makes me a little sad. lol. I don't know why but I think it's kinda my fault. My brain does that sometimes —feeling guilty or taking the blame for something I didn't even do. I know I didn't do anything to make you feel bad but my head is messed up so it makes me think that I actually did. I hope you feel better, though. I know you will. You're an awesome person.You make other people happy with your art. You're happy when making art, aren't you? And it's awesome that doing something that makes you happy is making other people happy too. I don't know if I'm still making sense. I'll just end this here. lol. Stay awesome like person that you are.
Ah, thanks for the kind words and sincere apologies on the turtle-tastic reply. As you can imagine, it's been a little difficult lately, and I wanted to go offline for a bit--of course, no fault of your own; completely my own dumb stuff going on here. To your comment, to be perfectly honest, I don't actually know that my art truly makes people happy. Of course I want it to, and am indeed happy while doing art (well, kinda...it's like happiness, at least) but in my head I often refer to my doing art as "parlor tricks" or my "monkey dance." At best, I guess I amuse people, but actually making people happy with art is a rare, rare feat. Anyway, I do feel better now, I guess it's just about refusing to wallow. Thanks again for your kind words, I will strive to live up to them. I will fail, of course, but I will strive.
Thanks again,
Reuxben
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