Friday, April 17, 2009


Last Crash: Smalltown girl Bee Farnam watches her only friend die.

Some weeks, especially this, really make me want to quit everything.

Monsta Crash #12: UltraPeepi
Next Comic: Here
Previous Comic: Here
First Comic: Here

Easter Eggs: Crash 12 in panel 4. SK fail in panel 5, callback to Crash 2.

Fun Facts: Ultra Peepi is a mix of the original form, Totoro, and a Laputian sentry. While drawing this comic, I also wrote another comic I will draw in exactly 365 days.

In addition, that generic-insult jack kelly spews forth "secret" and "confessions."

Baa: I'll never forget when my high school Spanish teacher said to me, "Doesn't it feel great to be wanted?" referencing my incoming college acceptance letters. He meant to emphasize being in-demand, not that nobody wanted me otherwise (true, though--strange how people start talking to you after you get accepted to Yale...), but I agreed, it felt great to have people actually vying for me for the first time in my life.

And for the first time since getting into colleges, I finally felt truly validated, legitimated, accepted; like all the suffering leading up till then was finally, finally worth it: I got accepted into Garry Trudeau's society, the ultimate seal of approval for someone trying so hard to match him (taped on the inside of my door is a YDN clipping: my ZLM debut, which has Doonesbury printed right above it; I see it every day). Like Yale, I got in without friends, connections, or anything; pure merit--you can imagine how amazing I felt.

And then it was all a joke. At first I thought, "well, at least I felt great for a day," but then it really went south as midnight ticked closer and I knew the real deal wasn't coming either. I've never felt so profound a loss as Thursday.

I mean, what do I have to do to prove myself? It's like losing a footrace: you do the absolute most your body can physically do, and you still failed, powerless to do any bit more. But I feel like this is what I get for betting everything on art.

It wasn't about power or prestige or elitism or anything, it was about feeling validated and I failed. I don't care about anything else at Yale but art, and now the one thing I care about feels meaningless.



Anonymous said...

Garry Trudeau got into S&K because he came from old money and went to the right boarding school.

Getting into S&K today isn't much different.

loyal reader said...

Word. Validation feels nice sometimes...