Fun_Jesters

I made a lot of mistakes.
Chief among my innumerable regrets and shortcomings is not being able to open up to people in a more meaningful or even in a merely more direct way. There are so many people I know only in passing, but I'm too wrapped up in my mind to hazard any further.

One Friday morning I was literally in line at Commons next to someone I've wanted so badly to talk to, someone I respect so much, but I couldn't get myself to even formulate a greeting. This after we had just spent a good ten minutes in that same small foyer waiting for Commons to open. This after being two of the few (the proud) Friday Morning Commonsers all year. It kills me to this day because even in that moment, as I was swiping in to breakfast, I was thinking,

Wow, this is senior year and I'm probably never leaving California again, let alone ever returning to the east coast, and I am choosing to let this moment pass unpursued. Wow.

All things grow.
I've never been too crazy about small talk, but I remember it was around fifth grade that expending serious effort to chitchat became beyond me. But now, some 12 years later, have I improved? Sorta. Maybe not.

In some ways Yale was the best part of my life. In other ways, it was such a monumentally blown opportunity. I avoided eating at JE because I always felt like such a fool going there, so it was kinda funny when I learned from some Yale archives one night that JE students were not originally called spiders, but "Jesters."

Anyway, I wish I could apologize to everyone who must have felt slighted by my reticence. I wish I could draw everyone a picture. I wish I could just stop wishing. But I probably won't.

lol

Reuxben

Fun_LateNightToo

Captured via photographic technology, this is a kinda-sequel to last year's "This Is My Late Night Conversations;" it's actually a casualty of a social experiment I undertook junior year: I wanted to see if it would be possible to live with Yalies for a year and feel absolutely nothing towards them at year's end, like perfect strangers, meanwhile examining the emotions that come from self-imposed isolation.

The big goal was to see if by actively seeking and imposing isolation on myself, I could manipulate and master everything I've felt since Freshman Year, which I could then use to improve or inform my art since I feed off of my feelings to operate creatively, like an actor.

My suitemates seemed like nice enough people, but I did everything in my power to maintain that early unfamiliarity, since that would only leave room for isolation's misery and discord to form, if anything.

The golden rule was simple: Don't interact with them (not even visually) unless it's unavoidable. This was a response to how I would drop everything to interact with my Freshman Year suitemates.

My bid to stay emotionally uninvested in my junior year suitemates was a success: I don't know what three of the four(?) look like, and I can't match voices with faces.

In the process of avoiding them, there were some big misunderstandings that erupted over the year, but I chose not to clarify their confusion, letting them speculate all they wanted behind their paper-thin JE walls. They impressed me with some beautifully ugly passive-aggression that helped accomplish the main purpose of my experiment: to manipulate misery.

After one of their particularly painful, poignant moves, I stole away to WLH and drew on some blackboards, riffing off of pure emotion. The result doesn't look too good, as is usually how that sort of drawing goes, but it felt great. Really great.

I love Yale. I loathe May 2010.

Reuxben

Fun_AnotherEnding

A month late, but Happy Birthday to Removal.

I started this thing two whole years ago, as a way to let people get to know me through my artwork; if you've ever wondered what I'm like, I've now got two years and a month's worth of artwork in reply plus an email.

So much has changed since Freshman Year...mainly the dreadful fact that I'm no longer a freshman. Probably the most depressing thing you'll learn at Yale. And drawing at Yale is a lonely business anyway because you're either artworking, schoolworking, or sleeping so you can have the energy to get back to work. But having people visit makes it worth it, so thank you for stopping by.

But today is another important day: I'm now done with the school year so as per tradition, I watch The Iron Giant after finishing each semester. So I drew Hogarth staring up at the Giant.

This semester's classes were 4/5 dictated to me by my major, so it wasn't very fun or interesting and we went out with a whimper, but it's been a blast drawing for you. I also sorta solved a mystery today.

But after The Iron Giant, I went to the year's final Quizbowl practice where I got to say goodbye to one of the best people I've met at Yale. It really sucks seeing each generation killed off as they graduate. And 2010's next on this horrible little chopping block. I can't believe that's it. No more people to look up to.

Generally speaking, that is,

Reuxben

Herald_mc.UltraPeepi

Last Crash: Smalltown girl Bee Farnam watches her only friend die.

Some weeks, especially this, really make me want to quit everything.

Monsta Crash #12: UltraPeepi
Next Comic: Here
Previous Comic: Here
First Comic: Here

Easter Eggs: Crash 12 in panel 4. SK fail in panel 5, callback to Crash 2.

Fun Facts: Ultra Peepi is a mix of the original form, Totoro, and a Laputian sentry. While drawing this comic, I also wrote another comic I will draw in exactly 365 days.

In addition, that generic-insult jack kelly spews forth "secret" and "confessions."

Baa: I'll never forget when my high school Spanish teacher said to me, "Doesn't it feel great to be wanted?" referencing my incoming college acceptance letters. He meant to emphasize being in-demand, not that nobody wanted me otherwise (true, though--strange how people start talking to you after you get accepted to Yale...), but I agreed, it felt great to have people actually vying for me for the first time in my life.

And for the first time since getting into colleges, I finally felt truly validated, legitimated, accepted; like all the suffering leading up till then was finally, finally worth it: I got accepted into Garry Trudeau's society, the ultimate seal of approval for someone trying so hard to match him (taped on the inside of my door is a YDN clipping: my ZLM debut, which has Doonesbury printed right above it; I see it every day). Like Yale, I got in without friends, connections, or anything; pure merit--you can imagine how amazing I felt.

And then it was all a joke. At first I thought, "well, at least I felt great for a day," but then it really went south as midnight ticked closer and I knew the real deal wasn't coming either. I've never felt so profound a loss as Thursday.

I mean, what do I have to do to prove myself? It's like losing a footrace: you do the absolute most your body can physically do, and you still failed, powerless to do any bit more. But I feel like this is what I get for betting everything on art.

It wasn't about power or prestige or elitism or anything, it was about feeling validated and I failed. I don't care about anything else at Yale but art, and now the one thing I care about feels meaningless.

Reuxben

Herald_mc.TheThief

Last Crash: Smalltown girl Bee Farnam gets mugged.

Monsta Crash #3: TheThief
Next Comic: Here
Previous Comic: Here
First Comic: Here

Easter Eggs: Crash 3 in snoke. Building names. JE. Rifle (the band).

Fun Facts: I wanted to make this comic painful for me, and it worked--I almost cried drawing it. Really, I'm that good.

The secret stories: one name is the messenger I'm shooting, one never spoke a word to me until running for office and requesting my vote, one was the very first person to greet me after finishing my last final sophomore year but greeted me as a stranger this year, one had a disturbing discussion in my suite freshman year, and one is somewhat familiar yet estranged.

I kind of hope I won't be able to remember the full stories when I'm older.

Reuxben

Fun_GreatC

This is a sketch that didn't come out too well. With that in mind, I won't say who it's supposed to be, but you can listen to his genius here.

In personal news, I went to this psych study today.

It was the most disturbing one I've ever done.

They pointed guns at my face.

Yale 2013, come to Yale: they point guns at your face (but in a good way, only not really).

In even more personal news, jack kelly offers these bonus comics.

I don't think they'd print this in the Herald.

Everyone needs a hug, jack kelly. Everyone.

Reuxben

Fun_HarvardGirl

Harvard (plus Yale's coach) embarrassed us at The Game, but I did get some nice drawings out of it.

I felt too insecure amongst jovial JEers at our sister house, Eliot House, so I retreated upstairs, sitting in the stairwell generally feeling lonely. My defense mechanism is drawing, so I just started drawing until the party ended. "Harvard Girl" is obviously a Yalie.

Many passing Cantabs dropped compliments, regularly pausing their trips downstairs. One guy even just stood there watching, then--gasp!--talked to me! Ironically, I felt more welcomed from that Harvard guy than by the JEers. I kinda wanted to give him this URL, but figured it bad form. He did ask if I drew for Yale, so maybe it was fair.

One Harvard girl passing by complimented the work then asked me if I went to Yale (I was wearing my Yale sweater and scarf...). Then as she headed on down, she yelled back, "Sorry you go to Yale." I felt sad because a part of me agreed.

A Yalie stopped by since she was waiting for someone from a nearby room, but I was just her time killer, so I didn't know how to respond.

It was freezing in the Eliot Junior Common Room, so I slept in every single thread I had. The next morning, waiting for a herd to follow to the stadium, I began drawing. Some JE girl checked these drawings and some of my sketchpad out, but it felt like I was her toy, so it was a bittersweet art show. I did see someone wearing my bulldog shirt in the JCR, though, which was nice. Too bad coats covered shirts at the icy tailgate.

So most humans have left Yale for break by now, but that's ok, I guess.

Reuxben

Fun_BulletsForChulaVista_Design

This is yet another futile T SHIRT design for that [wonderful] lump known as Jonathan Edwards College. Specifically, the students of that college.

I cannot fathom how much those people [rock]. These sacks of [smiles] robbed me of my time, my sleep, and my ink. As you can tell from my illustrious history designing shirts for these [people], I was stupid to try again, even after being specifically invited to apply before they even announced the design contest.

After conservatively sending just sketches for feedback on what they were looking for (and lobotomizing the part of my brain screaming, "Why the crack are you wasting your time on these [cool] people; have you not learned anything?!!"), I get an insulting email that refuses the sketches as if they are actual submissions. I guess it's easy to get confused, even after including a specific request for advice on which version I should pursue. This guy goes to Yale.

Cut to several hours laboring on this [happy] project, and not on homework or a comic, until 4 am, then sending an email asking if they'd extend the noon deadline for me to ink. I get an unqualified "that's fine" at nearly 10 in the morning (keep the timeline straight).

I get a few hours sleep since there's church. Afterward I scarf food as fast as I can, open the green light email, then ink for several hours straight. Just before I send the final, I think, you know what would be a wittily bitter message to accompany the image? "This is the part where you give the job to Chittenden."

I greatly respect his colors and whimsy, but the man does every single freaking shirt for JE. Even if he has million-dollar designs, which I frankly do not think is the case--The Game, Rise and Return--why the [joy] does he get every single design job for anything ever by what feels like default? He will probably punch through the hospital wall and name my firstborn child. And everyone will applaud him. So yes, he got the job, a decision which I learned was decided IN THE MORNING, the same time period where I was given the okay to begin inking, as if they were still considering other options. Before sending in the design, I figure I might as well go to dinner and even bump into one of the very chaps involved in the vote, who tries to hawk IMs of all things in my face. No, I don't want to join IMs, do I look athletic? Yes, this same guy goes to Yale.

Recap: the original deadline was noon; they decided "this [Sunday] morning," by definition before noon; that same morning they give me an extension; that evening I go to dinner and endure a frivolous chat with a known voter, submit the piece, and then read the email telling me I wasted my life, complete with cutesy diction as if that makes us square.

This is insane. First: why would you specifically lead me on that I even have a shot at winning these rigged contests--is it because you suspect I greatly dislike you "popular kids," whose names are plastered everywhere when there's some election going on? Second: I try to be as humble and unimposing as possible until I'm licking the grimy dirt off of your shoes, but what the crack (of his!) beat this design? Third: Gloves are off--this college's students have ruined my Yale experience in so many ways I can never forgive them. I don't have a list of people I hate, but if I did, it would now be populated (with asterisks because hate is a strong word).

But don't worry--I get my design used on a banner. YES! SWEET! THAT'S WHAT I SPECIFICALLY SPENT ALL MY TIME AND EFFORT ON. Screw a shirt that will be worn by everyone in the college for years, that will allow me to feel like I actually, tangibly contributed something substantial to this college, like I'm an actual college member, like I actually put aside my disgust enough to serve JE.

No, I won't get anything that I can look at later on to trick myself into thinking that maybe these were "bright college years" after all. "I" get a banner. It will probably get blown over and people will walk on it. It will wear out and join crumpled Heralds in a dingy alley.

Reuxben

Fun_Boarding2

Play that funky doodle, whiteboards.

So this was from the night after my last final, three or four in the morning. I blasted music in the senior seminar room and drew spontaneously because I realized that there I was, happy that all my schoolwork was finally done, but with no one to celebrate with, so this was as much of a party as I was getting.

They say at Yale you'll have profound, late night conversations; that was definitely true last year, but this year drawing and music's all I got. So this is my late-night-conversations.

Fly Home.

From right before leaving for Christmas Break.

Mummy.

Feeling gloomy that day.

Kelly Study Break.

This is the biggest drawing I've ever done of her.

It was funny how I'd get stares from passersby outside the seminar room's massive windows, as they saw this giant drawing behind me.

Recharge.

From after Thanksgiving break, gritting my teeth for another stay in Swing Space.

Robot inspired by the Iron Giant.

Someone wrote me an insightful little comment under my guy's bitter welcome message.

Is it Over Yet?

From the midsts of that happy little episode I call Room Draw 08.

My gosh, I suck at life.

Reuxben

Fun_PurpleRock

Heads up, Batman, it's sketches from the Purple Crayon's Midnight Madness/Senior Show plus the Battle of the Bands 2008.

Sadly, there weren't many usable sketches from the Crayon's year-end show, but it was a heartwarming send-off for the Crayon's sole senior, Benji.

Alright, well, I got depressed walking back after Benji's exit speech, partially from having witnessed something great in his final performance, but mostly from seeing him leaving friends.

It freaks me out that there's no guarantee I'll have anyone see me off when I graduate, especially seeing the absolute opposite in his having a gang of Crayons, who he was a true asset to, plus a room full of people eager to see him do what he does.

It's also frightening how he can commemorate four years with the Crayon, while the only potential four year groups I've got are the Record and Quizbowl. But the former has soured into a reluctant, pained loyalty and I've basically quit the latter.

Anyway, it would have been great if Benji's final show were as riotous as the WildnOut show, but of course it was easily better than the Ex!t Players or the Viola Question.

But come to think of it, it was eerie how the final skit was Benji in a room alone trying to fall asleep.

* * *
Battle of the Bands 08 was alright.

This Theo fellow popped out of nowhere with a band and even sang!

That was worth the ticket alone, just for the shock!

It sounded like they said the band was called Nyquil, and I admit they were kinda putting me to sleep. I really, really wanted to like the band, but they just weren't too engaging that night.

It was a bummer that this guy's band, Catch, wasn't playing.

Goodness knows there were way too many meh bands playing. Why not get surer bets up there?

. . .

A few pre-frosh came up to me throughout the night to check out my sketchbook. Flattering.

One pre-frosh, a landscapist, thought I was 2012, too.

If only.

Farnam...

I wish I could relive Freshman Year for half a decade.

The newness, the welcoming, the uncertainty, the auspiciousness.

Getting lost looking for JE, Commons, WLH. Exploring JE. Figuring out the Law School.

Giving fake names, knowing everyone doesn't know everyone yet.

Having the I'm-a-freshman excuse.

Still thinking I'm a high schooler.

Finding my feet before fitting in.

Being caught up in all the lore.

Thinking that the Record's great.

Following mighty juniors.

Knowing that FroCos are there.

Meeting my first suitemates, thinking this'll be perfect forever.

Well, anyway.

I've been trying to draw this guy in action for a while, but never seem to catch him long enough.

It's a shame that the Sandy Gill Affair's audio seemed to have died. They really deserved to win, if not be a finalist. And not even Mad Mad Prophets placed. What were the judges thinking?

If you were to judge this band by their performance that night, no, they shouldn't have won, but that was because you couldn't hear anything. Based on their past performances and their monumental improvement, they had enough credibility to warrant a bump in whatever score the judges blindly assigned them.

This lady's band was so not first place-y. Boring acoustic stuff.

Who actually enjoyed this performance so much that they said, "Hey, let's put them in Spring Fling over these other clearly more entertaining bands"?

It makes zero sense.

Mad Mad Prophets, Sandy Gill, and Catch (which didn't play that night) are just plain better; why didn't anyone recommend them?

I cannot figure out how anyone with a clear conscience could have ignored those bands and picked Z's band, who I'm sure is a nice person, etc., etc. but also robbed more deserving groups of play time.

Oh, the girl at left was ninja-ing her way around photographing bands and stuff.

I think she was with one of the bands, actually.

A 2012. How lucky. He has no idea. I think I hate him. He gets Freshman Year next year. Watch him be in JE. That's all I need.

I think this guy was in a band called Flocks, or as I read later, Flux.

Well, that's it.

Closing thought: Battle of the Bands, you are a mean, shameless joke.

Reuxben

Fun_HarrySpiders

This is like an inside joke:

Near the middle of Freshman Year, a Spanish classmate requested a Final Fantasy drawing. I asked for an alternate since I had limited time due to FOUR classes and being involved with the Record AND Quizbowl (one busy Freshman). The chronic self-loathing hadn’t set in at that point.

She’s also a Harry Potter fan, so we agreed on this drawing. She gave a seemingly throwaway “Thanks!” and to this day I don’t known if she actually liked the drawing. I look back on the drawing and cringe a little, but back then it was pretty good.

So Freshman Year, whenever we’d bump into each other, she’d give a passing nod or reluctant, cramped smile. But this year it became complete stranger status, even when facing head on.

While we’re by no means friends, we’re certainly not strangers: we discussed the piece thoroughly, I handed her sketches to approve, we talked about FF, Potter, etc. It’s not like we'd never spoken. So while I'm accustomed to being ignored and cast out, especially this past year, I really don’t buy this denial.

The other day she headed toward the BK dining hall with luggage and I didn’t hold the door because I thought she was off to her room. Who brings luggage to lunch?

She does. So I felt horrible for not holding the door. I thought about apologizing in person, but I can’t speak to people. Maybe email? Better yet would be a throwback to that year-old drawing. Plus I could redeem myself through how much I’ve improved.

At best an ice breaker, at worst an ignored email that would just perpetuate what we already practice.

Well there you go.

Reuxben

Fun_PixieDust

This is an unused cover for the collected edition of Darling Find.

So sophomore year is finally over for me in just about an hour.

My consolation prize is thinking of all those stupid freshmen who couldn't stop time. Enjoy Old Campus while you can, jerks; it's over. You'll be forgotten and 2012 will be Yale's latest darling.

...Take care, safe trips, etc. etc.

Fall on your tongue like pixie dust, just think happy thoughts and we'll fly home. --Gerard Way
Traffic will tank over summer, but I'll keep posting art. Plus I'll be in Japan soon.

Reuxben

Fun_Mask

We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes...
--Paul Laurence Dunbar

I love this poem.

Happy 100th post, 800th visitor, 2nd room draw,

Reuxben

Fun_TimeLapse

Here are some drawings from an Avatary Friday night. I wasn't feeling very good that day.

Here's a shot from a break during my last study session of this past semester, the night before my final final. I wasn't feeling very good that day either.

Here's a Cheeks autograph I managed to obtain during Comic-Con 07 through my sister's resourcefulness. It started out great, but then I wasn't feeling very good that day either.

Reuxben

Fun_WonderWomen

I was writing a paper on a few big superheroes before I realized Wonder Woman alone had tons of relevant content. So on a break, I tried drawing her.

I soon filled up a sheet with doodles.

So you'll see odd black dots here and there because some notes' ink had seeped through to this page before I began drawing.

Here's my favorite female member of Team Rocket. I really miss the old voices. Rachael Lillis is Jessie, (and Misty, Jigglypuff, etc.). I mostly miss Eric Stuart as James...

As the long night dragged on, I drew her to cheer me on and fight sleep. It didn't work.

Here's my very first drawing of Wonder Woman, based on a power pose I saw in one of my books.

I ended up altering the picture a bunch so that it kind of isn't really Wonder Woman anymore. I drew the above picture of Wonder Woman afterward to try to make amends.

And the day after (or before?), as I was waiting for physics to start, I was too tired to read, so I just drew this little emo girl.

Ok. Since the Herald's coming out tomorrow, I actually have my comic ready to go already, but I'll post it Friday out of tradition. See you then.

Also, start getting exited for THE GAME!

Reuxben