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I really don't like being so upfront like this, but I don't want to regret not putting this out there if it would lead to some personal improvement, so, regarding my reclusive nature, please consider the following:
Thursday night someone who humbles me with the amount of effort he's invested in me, asked me point blank why I draw.
In a one-line nutshell:
I draw because I believe drawing will solve all my problems.But there's a bigger answer, too. It starts like this: Michael
Gerber once came to speak to us at the
Record and said something incredible. Although he was speaking to a room of writers, the sentiment extends to artists of any sort. He said,
There must be something fundamentally broken in ourselves to have a desire to recreate the world just as we wish.As another preface, I also recommend listening to
Chris Ware's intro segment on This American Life, which is incredibly relevant to me, as is his
Jimmy Corrigan book, too.
So why do I draw? This is an overshare in no particular order:
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-I can't talk to people, but want to, and drawing is the most comfortable way for me to open up since I don't know how to approach people otherwise
-I can't do anything else; I need to get better so I can be a pro because I'm not cut out mentally or physically to do any other kind of work
-I hope to become famous so that people will have to come to me (fans into friends into more), and I won't have to do any of the nerve-wracking socializing work
-I'm in control of more through drawing than through anything else
-I can safely be as fictitious or true as possible
-I can break ice or introduce myself passively in frightening group settings
-I can retreat behind it when I'm nervous or uncomfortable
-I can express my opinion without rudely imposing on people
-I can assert or defend my self-worth through others' approval
Whenever there was show and tell in elementary school, I always brought in artwork. That's how I used to get people to talk to me without having to start up a conversation.
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I like to joke that I'm the only person who could lose a popularity contest to him
self, since I always assume I'm pretty boring, but if for some reason you do want to get to know me, please know that I really dislike beginning conversations and usually need others to take the initiative.
The thing is, though, when people
do approach me, it
really weirds me out, and then I begin wondering
why they are talking to me, which invariably kills the conversation. But please know that I don't mean to, I'm just
that bad at socializing and need practice and patience. Even if it's something important to me,
I'd rather write an email than talk to someone.
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So the take-away here is that I am probably scared of you and have difficulty initiating and maintaining conversations, relationships, or anything else beyond myself. And so I rely on drawing to help me interact and
relate with humans.
Thanks for your time, patience, and support,
Reuxben