Wednesday, June 8, 2011


note to self #96: white people kill me

Regrettably jack kelly, author of note to self, will achieve his 100th post-Yale comic this week, in a bundle he's calling "suicide tends to be funny." He starts with a comic about how whenever minorities hear about another minority going to Yale, they first ascertain that going to Yale is indeed an extremely good thing and then subsequently engage in congratulatory language, as opposed to whenever every single white person learns a minority went to Yale--the white person already knows going to Yale is a good thing, so they immediately ask if sports were involved with the admission. If you ask me, it's minorities who are showing their insensitivity and ignorance in these situations.

People should assume the only way a minority got into Yale was not by studying every waking minute of high school, eating alone every single day with no friends save the historical figures found in his AP US history textbook, and going straight to and from school, but rather that the minority got into Yale via some sports-related bonus points on his application. Duh. I mean, that's how I did it, and I'm Mexican, the scummiest of minority scum, so obviously sports was my only hope of getting in. And goodness knows me and my fellow idiot jock friends got along great! I got into Yale without having to stunt my social development at all, and I couldn't have done it without sports! So thank you, sports, for making brown-skinned turds like me appealing to something as otherwise inaccessible as Yale!

note to self #97: shut up, nerd

Again, jack kelly's pulling some stupidity about equating US comics with Superhero comics. I mean who is so ignorant that they can't discern genre from medium? OBVIOUSLY superheroes is a medium, and not a genre. You cannot make comics in the US unless they have superheroes in them. Just ask The Spirit. So shut up with your defense of the medium, jack kelly, it needs neither your help nor your content. The medium of superheroes will happily regurgitate itself ad nauseum until all that's left is colorfully spandex-clad blobs of vomit and the shattered dreams of anyone with an original thought in their skull. US comics is simply superheroes, period, and that is all comics ever will be. This is America, jack kelly. Leave diversity to the lesser countries.

note to self #98: kinkos and in-n-out burger

Geez, jack kelly, did it ever occur to you that you're just not qualified to handle the butt-riddling task of making photocopies or making animal-style burgers? Oh, jack kelly, you arrogant little puddle of poo, just because you went to Yale and the employers will not shut up about how freaking impressive going to Yale is doesn't mean you should expect to be get the painfully idiotic position you're only reluctantly applying for. Obviously you could handle anything these community-college rejects could throw at you, but that's not important. All that matters is...I have no idea, actually. Blindfolds and cork boards with dart-pinned resumes on it, maybe? Perhaps the ignorance of an employer who can't realize that if they are paying money for someone to agree to do something, the paid person is then obligated to do it, despite any internal qualms he has doing such searingly undesirable work?

note to self #99: brutal

I knew it, jack kelly, your hatred of black people and women all come together in one comic. Smooth. May you soon be Amadou Diallo'd with all deliberate speed. And may I be there right with ya, if not to watch, then to participate, on either end.

note to self #100: this comic is proof

Classic, jack kelly. Did it ever occur to you that if you had been less focused on academics during high school, you might have made some friends so that you wouldn't be so socially crippled when you got into Yale, so that after graduation you could get some sweet Yale, old-boy-fueled job? As we just established in today's first comic, you should have did high school sports, you short-sighted stooge! That way you could let your grades drop a little in exchange for social skills, and then you could only manage to get into a mediocre college and--oh, wait, I see, but then you wouldn't have been able to get into Yale and subsequently acquire that sweet Yale, old-boy-fueled job...hmm...quite a predicament... How do you get into Yale while still developing socially?

Whatever. Just assume you got in somehow, okay? Ok. So once at Yale, you could then have joined highly social groups, like the Yale Daily News or the Yale Herald or the Yale Record. Oh, you did? Then what happened? OH! Duh, you chose to do comics instead of real contributions. Idiot. Obviously you're going to end up drawing in your room alone and communicating with people electronically 95% of the time, thus prolonging your social infancy. Well, tough luck, moron. If you truly had a Yale-worthy brain, you would have figured out a solution to all this. But we both know that since you didn't get into Yale for sports, you obviously just got in because of your skin color. Maybe next time you'll think twice about being born a minority, you idiot. Just imagine if you were white, you could do sports, be social, get into Yale, and then easily get your old-boy-perpetuation on. And then decades later you could get to ask subtly insulting questions to dark-skinned kids who got into Yale. Just like Elihu Yale would have wanted.

Happy hundreth, jack kelly, you urine-soaked sack of turd-urine sacks,


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